


this time i'll do things the way you wanted

by lostin_space



Series: Alex Manes Week 2020❤️️ [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alex Manes Week 2020, Dissociation, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Memory Loss, Mentions of Caulfield, descriptions of injuries, i swear the tags make it sound sadder than it actually is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: After being taken, Alex shows back up--without the last 10 years of his memories.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Alex Manes Week 2020❤️️ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798477
Comments: 94
Kudos: 259
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for alex appreciation week day 2: canon divergence
> 
> as per usual, if i forgot any tags, let me know

Michael paused as he walked into the airstream.

He'd expected to come home to no one. Maria was angry at him and Alex was missing. Well, allegedly missing. He'd spent the last four days frantically trying to search for him before caving and going to the group, laying out a whole plan to go find him in the early morning, only to see that Alex had found his way home all by himself. Michael's heart was in his throat.

On the tiny bed, Alex had made himself comfortable. He was curled up and still and hurt. From the tiny bit of moonlight alone, Michael could see the bruises on his pretty face. He took slow steps, not wanting to startle him despite how badly he wanted to just tackle him in a hug. He had no idea how badly he could miss that man.

"Alex?" he whispered, reaching out to touch he shoulder. Alex jolted awake and Michael took a step back to give him space, letting him look around and make note of his surroundings. His face looked even worse now that he could see more of it. "God, your face."

Alex's eyebrows furrowed just a little at that and he reached up to touch his busted lip. He didn't bother going to his eye that had been swollen shut or the nasty claw-like marks on his cheek or his nose that looked crooked or the giant split beside his eyebrow. Michael's whole body hurt in guilt. If only he found him sooner...

"I'm gonna call Kyle, okay? He'll patch you up," Michael said softly.

"Wait," Alex said, voice so underused and body so wrung out that he immediately started coughing. Michael quickly grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge and handed it to him. He took it and downed it.

Michael waited, fingers itching to call Kyle for help.

"Um," Alex hummed, testing out his throat before he tried to speak again, "Don't call Kyle."

"But you're _hurt_."

"Bullies suck, shit happens," Alex said, shrugging his shoulders. Michael blinked in confusion.

"Bullies?"

Alex stared at him for a moment and looked around before reaching up to touch his face again. He winced and Michael just felt so helpless. He wanted to kill whoever did that.

"You know there's bullies in basic," Alex said. Somehow, Michael felt even worse. Basic? As in, basic training, something Alex had gone to a decade ago? What did that have to do with anything? And, more importantly, did people back then fuck up his face that bad?

"Alex, what–"

"Please just lay with me for a minute?" Alex requested, looking up at him in absolute desperation, "Please? I'm so fucking tired of everyone except you. I just, I need... Just give me you for a little while?"

Michael didn't know what to do. Logically, he should've said no. He should've called Kyle and Liz and told them something fucky was going on. And, even then, he shouldn't even think about touching Alex. When he came back to modern day, he would be so pissed if Michael took advantage of him being confused.

But then his Alex was hurt and confused and wanted him.

"Just a little while," Michael said slowly, "Then we're gonna go get your face checked out."

Alex nodded in agreement. Michael stepped out of his shoes and watched with hesitation as Alex settled back into bed, staring up at Michael like he was scared to take his eyes off him. He began to brainstorm as to what could’ve possibly led Alex to think it was 2009. Had someone hit him so hard he was disoriented? Was he having a mental break? Was he fucking with him? Or...

Butyricol.

But even that didn’t make much sense because, with Jenna, it only clouded the last few months. If that’s what was happening, how much was in his system? Would he regain his memories when he got it out of his system? Were they gone forever? Was that even what this was?

Michael sat down on the bed and Alex reached out to pull him closer, hands making themselves at home on his body. He slung his good leg over Michael’s hip and dragged his fingers over his side, making sure to feel each muscle and rib before he cupped his face. Michael felt like he was going to lose his goddamn mind. When was the last time Alex touched him so freely, so confidently, so sure that this was his place? Had it really been a decade?

“You look old,” Alex whispered, “I think I’m dreaming.”

Michael didn’t know how to respond. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that.

“Since when did you decide to grow a beard?” Alex continued, scratching the hair on his jaw.

“It’s not a beard, I just haven’t shaved,” Michael told him, eyes detailing all that was wrong with his face. He gently grazed his forefinger over his broken nose and Alex jumped slightly. Yeah, he really needed to get Kyle.

“But it’s gonna be all itchy when I kiss you now,” Alex whispered, moving in closer. Michael knew he should tell him to stop and ask more questions. He had no idea what Alex thought was going on, just that he thought he’d just gotten out of basic. 

But Alex kissed him, careful not to hurt his own busted lip, and it was hard to remember to be an upstanding citizen.

“Sorry,” Alex said after he flinched in pain again, pulling away to touch his busted lip. Michael rested his hand on his hip. “Sorry, I-I want to kiss you, but it hurts.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s the thought that counts,” Michael told him, giving him a soft squeeze before pushing himself up to reach for his phone, “I’m gonna call Kyle, okay? Get him to come look at you.”

“Why do you keep talking about Kyle? I leave for a few weeks and you guys become buddy-buddy? Don’t call him,” Alex said, a little bit of harshness in his tone as he sat up. Michael eyed him again, trying to figure out exactly how to explain what was going on. He didn’t know how. He definitely needed Kyle and Liz as soon as possible. He texted them both. “Guerin, what the fuck is going on?”

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise,” Michael said, sending out his S.O.S. before turning back to Alex. He reached out, laying his hand on the side of his neck instead of his cheek like he wanted to. There didn’t seem to be a single feature on his face that hadn’t been hurt. 

Alex thought they were 19. So Michael was going to act like he did when they were 19.

He moved in for a kiss, pecking the side of his mouth that wasn’t busted and then placing strategic kisses over his jaw and onto his neck. He could feel the tension bleed from his body and, if he could keep him that way, he would. 

“Okay, but,” Alex said, sighing gently as he let Michael lay him back down, “I don’t want other people showing up. I just wanna be alone with you.”

“He’s just coming to make sure your face is okay,” Michael told him, kissing his collarbone just once before realizing that was bruised too. “Alex, where else are you hurt?”

“Why _Kyle_ though?” Alex prodded. Michael ignored the question, tugging on the hem of his shirt so he could see more. “ _Jesus,_ I’m fine, answer me.”

Michael looked up at his eyes--or, rather, _eye--_ for a moment to try and gauge how he should approach this situation. This whole thing felt like he was stepping around a landmine. He just wanted to wrap Alex up in his arms and sleep until he was back to normal. Or maybe he didn’t want him to go back to normal. Maybe him not remembering was a blessing in disguise...

No. Alex needed to have his memory.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Michael asked. Alex swallowed, nervous energy radiating of him. Michael kept touching him in hopes it would give him something grounding to focus on.

“Last thing I remember was going to sleep two days before I got to leave basic,” Alex said softly, looking around again, “I think I’m dreaming. This is a dream.”

Michael caught his hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of his hand softly.

“It’s not a dream, Alex,” he said softly, “But I’m right here and I’ve got you. It’s gonna be okay. Can I see where else you’re hurt?”

Alex looked like he was about two seconds from losing it entirely. Michael just kept touching him and kept hoping it’d be okay. Any moment now, Kyle would pull up and he wouldn’t have to handle Alex losing 10 years of his life by himself. Eventually, Alex agreed with a quiet little ‘ _yeah’_ and Michael helped him get his shirt off.

Bruises littered his chest and his back like he’d been kicked extensively and Michael’s heart ached. He tried not to show that it made him so sad and instead pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. Then he started helping him out of his jeans. Which, honestly, Michael should’ve thought more about before he did it.

“Oh my _God,”_ Alex said, voice strangled and hands shaking as he caught sight of his prosthetic. That seemed to be the last straw, the final thing to make him panic. He began stammered and hyperventilating, trying his best to make words and form sentences, but nothing made sense. It was just a sea of _why_ and _how_ mixed in with crying and heavy breathing. He was so confused.

“Hey, it’s okay, breathe with me,” Michael instructed calmly, getting Alex to look him in the eye despite the fact that it was much harder than it should’ve been. He wasn’t okay. Michael was starting to wonder if he ever would be. “I’ve got you, I’m right here. Things are going to be okay.”

“I’m dreaming, I have to be dreaming, this isn’t real,” Alex told him, shaking his head. His eye that wasn’t swollen was wide and terrified. “This isn’t real, Guerin, tell me this isn’t real!”

“Let me take it off because you’ve probably had it on for a week and that’s not good, okay?” Michael said softly. Alex took a shaky breath, shaking his head.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know, baby, but I’ve got you. I’m right here,” he promised, rubbing his thigh gently. It seemed to be the only part of him that wasn’t fucked. He kept rubbing his leg and kept trying to keep him calm as he moved to text Kyle again, asking him to make sure he brought crutches with him.

When Michael turned back to Alex, he seemed a lot more calm. For anyone else, that might be a good thing. For Alex, it was certifiably _not._ Michael reached up to touch his face, hoping that would help ground him a little more. It was rare Michael could see him starting to dissociate, but right now it was obvious and, while it was understandable, he needed him to still be aware.

“Alex, it’s okay. I know it’s a lot, but it’s okay.”

“I wanna wake up now,” Alex said softly, distantly. It hit Michael in the chest _hard._

“I know. But stay with me for just a little while longer, okay?” he asked. Alex was still for a few seconds before he slowly nodded as if the question had only then processed in his mind.

Instead of focusing to hard on that, Michael went to remove the prosthetic from his body. He moved slow and cautious, unsure of what to expect. He kept checking with Alex to make sure it didn’t hurt him, but he’d seemingly checked out entirely. It left Michael on his own.

He peeled off the prosthetic and then the liner, grimacing at the strong smell of sweat and the clear irritation that had been going on for the last week. Alex’s leg was red and swollen. With a little bit of telekinesis, he got a warm, wet washcloth without leaving Alex’s side. He didn't react.

Michael took his time giving him basically a sponge bath with the wet washcloth, starting with his stump and moving up. His chest was bruised and his the flesh covering his ribs was extra tender, but for the most part the worst was directed at his face. Michael didn’t know whether to be thankful or even more angry.

He cleaned off the dried blood around his pretty face and did his best to be careful. Alex was still zoned out in his state of shock or regular dissociation or both, his eyes unfocused and his reaction time ridiculously slow if it was there at all. Michael just cleaned him up and then wrapped him in the blanket so they could wait for Kyle.

Climbing back onto the bed, Michael pulled the newly-burritoed Alex into his arms. That was the first time he caught sight of the injection spot on the back of his neck. When he ran his fingers over it, it seemed to shock Alex’s system back to life and he gasped.

“What the fuck is going on?” Alex asked, that same panic coming to the surface. He tried to sit up, but Michael just shushed him and held him. He knew Alex. He knew he just needed comfort. “How did I get here? What’s going on? I-I don’t understand, what’s going on?”

“I’ve got you,” Michael murmured against his hair, kissing the side of his head, “I’ve got you and I’ll explain everything I can, okay? I promise.”

Alex ended up moving closer, clinging to him. He wouldn’t say it, but Michael wasn’t stupid. He could tell that he was scared. Michael couldn’t tell him not to be because he was scared too. They had no idea how this drug worked, they had no idea if or when it would wear off. The whole entire thing was question marks that he couldn’t fix.

So he held Alex and even when Kyle came in with his handy first-aid kit and Alex got uncomfortable, he held Alex.

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked, eyeing them as if he was intruding. Michael took a deep breath as he tried to think of a concise way to answer him.

“Whoever took him gave him that fucking drug they gave Cam, but they upped the dosage or something,” Michael said. Alex lifted his head at the new information. “He thinks it’s 2009.”

Kyle’s eyes widened. Alex took another deep breath, a small whine vibrating in his throat as he dropped his head back onto Michael’s shoulder. He was so tired.

“But more importantly, whoever was holding him, beat the fuck out of his face and I need you to look at him,” Michael said, slowly maneuvering Alex so his back was against his chest. 

Kyle slowly moved closer before reluctantly sitting on the foot of the bed. Alex was laying heavily against Michael and Kyle wasn’t blind to the fact Alex not having his memories meant he didn’t know that Kyle wasn’t a dick anymore. Usually. But Michael kept talking in hopes to distract them both.

“I was thinking maybe Liz could do some tests? Maybe we can reverse the effects,” Michael said, rubbing his hands over Alex’s arms as Kyle reluctantly moved closer to his face. Kyle looked at Michael and then back to Alex. He knew it was judging him.“We need him back to our Alex if we’re going to get anywhere.”

“Yeah, we can head over to the lab as soon as I patch him up,” Kyle decided. He looked over Alex’s face for a few more seconds before getting up to wash his hands in the sink. “I’m gonna re-set your nose, get a couple stitches on your brow bone, and clean up the cuts.”

“Oh, and check his ribs. They didn’t feel broken to me, but it’s been awhile since I’ve broken a rib,” Michael said. Kyle sighed audibly before nodding.

“So,” Alex said softly, swallowing hard as he tried to sit up better, “I’m probably gonna regret asking, but if I’m _not_ dreaming and it’s _not_ 2009, what year is it?”

Michael leaned forward to press a kiss to his shoulder. “It’s 2019.”

Alex deflated against him with an exhale.

“Fuck. You really are old.”

Michael huffed a laugh and kissed his neck softly. He could feel Alex relax a little with each kiss. It made up for all the side-eyeing Kyle was doing when he sat back down.

“So, we’re friends with Kyle now,” Alex went on, trying to keep himself aware while also calm. 

“Yeah, we made up,” Kyle said, wiping an alcohol pad basically all over Alex’s face. He barely winced. But his hand made it’s way to Michael’s, weaving their fingers together and squeezing. Again, Kyle looked at Michael like he was the biggest dumbass in the world before going back to Alex’s face.

They made small talk for the entire time Kyle was messing with his face, catching Alex up to speed and answering questions. They filled him in on how he got taken, but how they didn’t know by who or why or anything. They told him how he was a Captain in the Air Force, but would soon be promoted to a Major. All the little things like that, all the things to keep him distracted before they had to deprive him of sleep to go do tests on him to see if this could be undone.

“No broken ribs. Ten on the right might be a little cracked, though, it feels a little weird, so be careful when you’re on your crutches, got it?” Kyle said, more doctor than friend. Michael wondered if that was because of Alex not knowing their current friendship status. He was putting distance between them for the same reason Michael stayed impossibly close. “I’m gonna go get them and then we can head to the lab.”

Once he was gone, Alex turned to face Michael again. He was more settled now, past the panic and onto acceptance if only because he had no other choice. Michael did his best to give an encouraging smile. They were going to be okay. They were going to find a cure for whatever the fuck they did to him and bring him back.

Then they would fix things.

“So if I managed to make up with Kyle...” Alex said, voice soft and careful, “What are we?”

“We?”

“Me and you,” Alex pointed out, smiling sweetly through his bold question just like he did when he was young. Michael couldn’t help but smile. He missed that. “Where have we gotten in ten years?”

Michael stared at him, his smile faltering once he realized he couldn’t actually give him a positive answer. They were broken up and over and had gotten in a fight the last time they saw each other. Alex’s sweet promises that he would keep him safe being ruined by Michael pushing him until he got mad was what had stuck in his mind since he’d gone missing. There was no good answer to give an Alex who thought he was 19 and was hurt and yet still so goddamn hopeful that his future had them together.

So, instead of answering, Michael leaned forward and gave him a kiss. Alex laughed softly and folded into the kiss despite his busted lip. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time they’d kissed through a busted lip. He knew it hurt, he’d said it hurt, but clearly Alex’s priorities were on him. And wasn’t that just the best thing?

Kyle cleared his throat as came back inside and Alex moved away quickly. Michael squeezed his thigh gently in reassurance and Alex accepted the crutches. Kyle helped him steady himself and they both helped him out of the airstream.

Alex shoved them both away, though, as he started heading for Kyle’s car. He didn’t want any help. Because of course he didn’t.

“This is bad,” Kyle breathed softly. Michael sighed, watching Alex struggle to handle both crutches and open the door at the same time.

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, “But we’ll figure it out.”

And they would.

They had to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for day 3 of alex appreciation week: legacy

Alex knew he must've misunderstood something whenever Maria got there.

Michael caught her by the hand before she could run up to Alex and he pulled her to the side to have a word. But Alex wasn't stupid. He saw the way he touched her and the way she touched him and how close they stood while speaking to one another. It made him more uncomfortable than the fact he was standing half naked and letting Kyle and Liz prod at his body like he was a science experiment. Maybe he was.

Alex watched them until they finished their conversation. Michael squeezed her hand before letting go and she nodded simply. Maria turned to him with a big, cautious smile and came closer. With permission from Liz to touch him, she wrapped him up in her arms. He wanted to be happy to see her, but he couldn't take his eyes off Michael. What were they keeping from him?

"I'm so glad you're okay, I was worried sick," Maria said sincerely, squeezing him. Alex hugged her back easily and tried to stop looking at Michael. Just because he'd lost 10 years of his memory and it was super important to find out who and why didn't mean they could leave out massive plot points like Maria and Michael touching each other like that. But if they left it out and Michael kissed him, maybe he was looking into it too much. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore," Alex answered. His whole face was throbbing and it hurt to use his crutches because of the bruising on his ribs.

But Kyle got Isobel Evans of all people to stop by his house and get something they called an iwalk. It fit around his not-leg and was sort of a substitute for a prosthetic so he could stand up without irritating his leg more. He hated it.

"I bet," Maria said, "But you still look hot despite all the bruises, so take it as a win."

"Yeah, I will," he said, eyes going back to Michael who was standing over her shoulder, "Can I put my clothes back on now?"

"Oh, yeah, of course, sorry," Liz said, rambling as she had been, "I just need to take a blood sample, but you can have your clothes on for that."

Michael came over to him then as if it was his job to help him get dressed. He grabbed the pair of sweats and the t-shirt he’d brought for him so he didn’t have to put back on the ones he’d been wearing the whole time he’d been allegedly kidnapped. Alex carefully sat down on the stool and started unlatching his thigh from the iwalk thing. Michael’s hands instinctively went to help.

“Stop it,” Alex said, catching his chin in his hand and pulling him into a kiss. Michael smiled into it and so Alex dragged it on as long as he was allowed, deepening it without concern for who might see since _everyone_ could see. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t peek to see if Maria saw. And she clearly had because she looked away.

“Whoa, okay,” Michael laughed, pulling away. His cheeks were red and Alex was obsessed. It made all the bad things happening a little bit better. “Let’s get you dressed, huh?”

They took the straps off his thigh and Alex used Michael as leverage to pull the sweats over his hips. He pulled the shirt on carefully and slowly due to his face and ribs while Michael tied off the hanging end of the sweats. The whole process took, like, five whole minutes. So long that Alex had to pull him back in for a kiss when they were done.

“Alright, we get it,” Liz laughed, nudging Michael out of the way. Alex reluctantly let him out of his grasp. “After I take a blood sample, do you want painkillers?”

Alex felt himself relax a little at the offer. “You have some?”

“Yeah, do you need them?”

“I would prefer them,” he admitted. It was easy to push aside his discomfort when Michael was kissing and touching him. But he couldn’t have that forever and he _was_ still hurting. Hell, he couldn’t even see out of one of his eyes.

“Okay, let me take a sample so I can start getting to work and figuring out how to fix this,” Liz said, wiping down a spot on his arm with an alcohol pad. He’d had so many of those on him in the last hour that he was surprised he wasn’t getting drunk through his skin.

“Didn’t you say someone else had this stuff in them too? Didn’t you try to find a cure for it then?” Alex asked. Liz looked up at him, face a little grim.

“Well, with Cam, we didn’t really know who or what to expect to find in her memories. She had a much weaker dose and it only erased what she saw when she was taken. She wasn’t exactly super excited to remember those weeks,” Liz explained, trying to force a kind smile, “You know, it’s a little weird seeing 29-year-old Alex’s face, but with 19-year-old Alex’s voice and eyes.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex asked just as she pushed a needle into his arm. He didn’t even wince.

“You look older, but... you carry yourself a bit lighter when you were young,” Liz explained, “Before everything.”

It was a small suggestion, but it had Alex’s mind reeling. _Before_ everything? Was she insinuating things got _worse?_ Or maybe she didn’t know about the shed. Maybe she had no idea what she was talking about.

Alex looked to Michael for some type of elaboration, but his eyes involuntarily went for his hand. It was all wrapped beneath a bandana, but it hid... nothing. He jumped at the sight of that, frantically looking up to Michael’s face.

“Whoa, stay still,” Liz said, “Still drawing blood.”

“What happened to your hand? I-It looks fine. I don’t understand,” Alex said, panic building in him again. Maybe this wasn’t just a weird time-jump, maybe he was in a different universe all together. “Wait, did... did my dad still...”

He didn’t know how to ask the question. And, apparently, no one knew how to answer.

The air got heavy and everyone around them stilled while Liz slowly pulled the needle out of his arm and replaced it with a band-aid. Alex’s eyes were stuck on Michael who shifted uncomfortably at the topic.

“Yeah, that still happened,” Michael said softly, clearing his throat as he looked to Liz, “I was thinking that maybe they took him to erase all of the shit he knew to make him less of a threat.”

Everyone noticed the drastic subject change, but didn’t address it. Alex, however, wasn’t as easily subdued. He wanted to know. He opened his mouth again, but he was cut off by Kyle handing him a couple pills and a water bottle. After he took that, he was again cut off by Michael stepping in close. Alex took his hand since clearly he wasn’t going to get much in the way of an explanation.

He ran his fingertips over the unscarred skin while his adult friends talked around him.

“But what’s the point of that? I mean, he obviously already had an attachment to you,” Isobel chimed in. Alex made that even more obvious by resting his head against Michael’s chest. His heart was pounding so hard he could barely hear their conversation. How was his hand so smooth again? How had he gone so long without noticing?

“Maybe they were trying to go further and failed,” Michael suggested, “Or maybe they just wanted to erase the alien thing to try and warp his position.”

Before Alex could even ask what the hell he was talking about, his mind blurred.

 _“Do you want to know who I am, or do you wanna know_ what _I am?”  
_

_“Yes.”_

Alex gasped and clutched Michael’s hand, looking up at him with wide eyes. Michael looked at him in concern and they just stared for a few minutes. Alex could feel that familiar buzz under his skin, contentment of being with him mixing with that tumultuous fire of arguing with him. Because apparently they did that a lot... they argued.

“What? What happened?” Michael asked, his hand laying on Alex’s neck and using his thumb to hold his chin up. Alex looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“My dad was the reason I know,” Alex murmured, “He told me. I’m not gonna sway on my stance no matter when I find out.”

Michael stared at him for a moment, eyes flickering over his face as he tried to process what he said. Then he pressed a kiss to his forehead and Alex let himself relax back into Michael. He hated this, hated not remembering everything. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? Something about him made it easy to make him not remember. Trauma really was a bitch.

“Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the goal,” Michael said, “Maybe they were just trying to take out our biggest threat.”

“But then why would they give him back? And why would they drop him off at your place?” Kyle asked.

“Well, he was asleep when I got there. Maybe he still had his memories and he escaped and my place was the closest, but the drug activated whenever he passed out,” Michael suggested, his hand rubbing up and down Alex’s back.

“Do you really think he’d be able to escape on his own after getting beat up that bad?” Maria asked. Michael huffed a small laugh.

“Yeah. Especially if he still had his memories.”

They kept talking, kept brainstorming, and Alex kept feeling more and more exhausted. The painkillers dulled his nerves enough for him to focus on the fact that he needed sleep and trying to remember more than one offhanded conversation and the vague context of it was making him suffer even more. He turned the good side of his face into Michael’s chest and closed his eyes. He felt safe there.

“So, what, we think he got taken and his memory erased to fuck up his role in dismantling a legacy? Wouldn’t they have taken me too?” Kyle asked.

“No offense, but you haven’t exactly been hands on lately,” Liz said as kindly as possible. Kyle scoffed. “But from what I can tell, it’s definitely Butyricol. Same grimy little cells lurking in his blood.”

“Gross.”

“Absolutely. But I’m thinking if I can extract it I can work with it enough to see if I can make something that, you know, brings _back_ memories, sort of like a human-equivalent to the alien antidote I made. Otherwise we’re stuck with him getting maybe one or two every once in awhile,” Liz said.

“How long do you think that’ll take?” Michael asked, one hand still rubbing his back and the other cupping the back of his head. Alex was more at peace than he’d been in awhile despite the fact they were all talking about him. 

“Long enough for you to let him take a nap, but not so long you should leave and risk running into more trouble,” Liz told him. Michael nodded.

“Okay, then we’re just gonna go lay in Kyle’s car.”

“No fucking in my car.”

“ _Obviously.”_

Alex reluctantly sat up and grabbed his crutches. He hated this whole missing leg thing. He wanted his memories back if only so he could be used to it again. If that version of him was used to it. Would he ever be?

He gave an extra look to his friends. Liz and Kyle were already getting to work. Maria gave him a kind smile. Isobel was... there. And Michael was watching him, ready to catch him if he needed it. 

It was a slow and irritating process making it over the messy halls and desert terrain to get to the car, but they eventually found themselves cuddled up in the backseat of the car. Alex basically laid on top of Michael, trying to get some sleep. But he couldn’t, not quite. Not until he asked the question bothering him the most.

“We’re not together, are we?” he whispered. Michael was quiet for a little while, his thumb never stopping the smooth circles he rubbed into his shoulder.

“No,” he answered, “We’re not.”

“You’re with Maria,” Alex filled in, “I saw the way you guys touched each other.”

Michael took a deep, slow breath and it made Alex rise with him. He just waited for an explanation of how Maria, if she really was his girlfriend, was letting him be so hands on with Alex. Of course, Alex wasn’t mad about it. He missed Michael. Both with and without his memories.

“We’re... over. We were sort of in the middle of a breakup before you showed back up because I spent the last week ignoring her and tearing the world apart trying to find you,” Michael said, “She wasn’t mad that I was looking for you or anything, I guess it just finally clicked that... It doesn’t matter, we agreed we’d talk later, but right now it’s all about making sure you’re safe and comfortable.”

Alex lifted his head a little to look at his eyes. He was gorgeous. Sadder and rougher than Alex remembered, but gorgeous. 

“But you still like me?” Alex wondered. Michael huffed a small laugh, his hand carefully combing through his hair.

“Alex,” he said, his eyes flicking around his face. Alex noticed the moment he decided on what he wanted to say and he said it with confidence. “I love you.”

Alex’s mouth felt dry and his not-swollen eye widened. Love. That was new.

Again, before Alex could find his words, his mind blurred again.

_“They’re my family, Alex!”  
_

_“Alright, maybe! But you are_ mine _!”_

Alex came back with another gasp, trying to ground himself again as Michael stared at him. The two second memory flooded him with residual gratitude that he was _here._ He was _alive._ He was _his._

“I don’t look away, Guerin,” Alex told him. Slowly, a smile showed on his face and it might’ve been the most beautiful think Alex had ever seen.

“Was that just one memory, or...” Michael said, a hopeful little tinge to his voice. Alex hated to let him down, but he nodded.

“Just one,” he whispered. Michael’s smile didn’t fade any as he nodded.

“Then I want you to know I loved you then and I love you now. When you remember all the bullshit I’ve done to you, remember that I loved you through it all. I never stopped, okay? If they erased your memory to fuck with your place in your family’s legacy, than I’m gonna go ahead and use it to fuck with ours too. We were meant to be together and to be happy. I know that for a fact and I know people died to make it so. So, I’m saying it now. I have always and will always love you, Alex Manes,” Michael told him. 

Something akin to giddy laughter bubbled out of Alex at the words he was hearing, his whole system flushed with love and appreciation. He knew once he got his memories back, he’d probably feel different. From the way Michael was speaking, he _knew_ he would feel different.

But right now he felt like he was on top of the world.

“I love you too,” Alex said, moving up to kiss him, “And I’m really upset we agreed not to fuck in Kyle’s car.” Michael laughed.

“You’re hurt.”

“Yeah, but I’m 19 and sleeping with a guy in Kyle Valenti’s car sounds like the best kind of revenge.”

Michael laughed again, pressing another kiss to his lips as he said, “Yeah, well, your body _isn’t_ 19 and 29-year-old you might have a problem with me letting you get bent like that when you probably haven’t done your PT in over a week.”

Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Bent? That sounds like a challenge.”

“Go to sleep,” Michael told him, still grinning as he led Alex’s head to the crook of his neck, “I know you feel good right now, but this is just the beginning to a whole slew of bullshit that’ll come whenever we figure out who took you and what happened over the last week.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but agreed. It was hard to sleep with the adrenaline pumping through his system at Michael’s _I love you,_ but eventually his fatigue caught up with him.

Later, he woke up to Liz excitedly telling him that she was sure she found a way to reverse it. They injected him with it and they waited. 

It didn’t happen immediately. In fact, they had to deal with a lot of stuff before he really got those memories back. They had to deal with his father, namely, and Crashcon. It was difficult trying to act like he knew what all these people had become and trying to assimilate just a little bit at a time. Even with Michael it was hard. There were pieces missing that made things different.

It all came to a head, though, when Alex found himself staring at his brother standing between his father’s gun and Michael Guerin.

“I know what he means to Alex.”

And suddenly Alex did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go see [@prouvarieafterdark's fic here](https://prouvaireafterdark.tumblr.com/post/619513763557687296/caught-in-the-moment) if you want to actually read young malex fucking in Kyle's car. It is as iconic as it sounds.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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